dating? me trying to figure myself out.

I need to spend a night and figure out what i’m doing with my life. and PLAN. i’ve just been drifting around forever and i’m not really sure what the fuck is going on seriously.

ok like the dating thing? ugh like what is that even? SW¬†has a gf after 2 weeks. of meeting someone on TINDER. so like what the. but that’s not how i want my life to be right? cant do that? i’m like too “cold” or whatever.

parents fighting again. ugh. regarding some painting shit. i feel like somewhere this is regarding money. like ugh this is not doing any favours to my anxiety. ugh. jesus i am so fcking scared about everything. my brain is just not working i need to do something oh god oh god.

panic attack.

its over now. god i’m going to stay out of this house, finish all my work, get really good grades and leave this place forever someday. and everything will be fine. and the minute i start working i am going to get myself a therapist cos if this is my mental state NOW, then i dont even know how its going to be in the future.

jesus christ. idk how anybody is going to be able to deal with this mess that is my brain. legit. i have so many issues its unbearable. i am unbearable frankly. and the excess thoughts are like accumulating like FAT on my body and i’m now just as ugly on the outside as i am on the inside. so there.

not everyone needs to find someone. some people are just meant to be alone.

jhonjhal/ jhanghat

seriously, being married is such a pain in the ASS.

why would anyone want to do this. like WHY even, aside from like parental pressure or societal pressure.

i seriously find myself wondering a lot – if my parents had met as friends, would they like each other even?