i’ve been feeling quite shitty this week. people have made fun of my weight, my hair, my eyebrows. and i’ve had to brush off all of them/act like i don’t really care what they think. even though i care way too much and i got so sad and heartbroken after all of it like – i’ve never felt pretty.
and i have to keep telling other people that wow you look nice, you always look nice; even though nobody ever says it back to me. and its not their fault. i could look nice, but i don’t. and who’s fault is that? mine alone. i don’t exercise, i don’t eat well. this is the only thing that explains the sudden weight gain like almost 15kg since sec 4. i feel like… wow if i keep this up i’m only going to grow fatter and fatter.
as is my fashion- i’m going to approach this methodically. will consider the effects my weight has on my life, why i gained this much weight (especially from 2014) and how i will get rid of it.
what are the effects of being overweight
- constantly comparing, constantly feeling inadequate.
- constantly being compared, and constantly being made to feel like i’m not enough.
- jokes about my weight, my ability to do things
- no guy being interested in me, ever
- even if a guy is interested in me, he doesn’t see a future with me, so turns his attentions to other, more ‘appropriate’ girls
- being thought of as less capable than other more attractive women, even though i may be better than them
- not being as valued as i should be
- being taken advantage of – as the ‘sidekick’, the confidante of attractive girls. it’s funny how they don’t see me as a threat, so think that they can confide things in me. as such, i don’t have anybody i can share things with them, and they constantly overshare things with me
- being on the periphery of social events, etc.
- being constantly lonely, depressed and anxious
- effects on my physical health – constantly tired
- an inability to deal with stress
why i gained this much weight
- in 2014 – IB stress
- no exercise whatsoever due to exams
- a feeling that – nobody notices anyway
- crippling inertia
- in 2015 -endless supper
- bad snacking habits
- i eat pretty bad food at tembusu (a LOT of rice)
- i used to eat a muffin everyday and drink coffee with a lot of sugar and creamer
- used to drink milo everyday
- ate pizza, junk all the time, like for every meal
- no exercise in sem 1 since i wanted to ‘focus on my studies’
how i will fix this
- no pizza, fried food, junk. once a week only
- do not include FOOD into self love
- no more muffins (i’ve been good w this though, haven’t had a single muffin since sem started)
- running with dav
- fixed breakfast – cornflakes with milk
- brown rice for dinner + daal
- snack on peanut butter
- no subway