all i want

is for life to behave itself. not be so fucking unruly.

is for me to not hate myself this much

is for my skin to get better

is for people to like me (real me)

is to not pretend so much

is to leave (to not feel like I don’t have options)

is new york

(i feel like this might be hormone-fuelled)

is to not be such an idiot

is to attract some dudes

is a love story

is something to love

is to get stronger

is to be happier

my life is ebbing away

“I have put all of my effort into things that never wanted me back, in hopes that I could change the outcome. How else can I communicate this? I do not want to try anything, with anyone, anymore.”


law school

wow. freaking. wow. 

after the incredible madness that has been my college applications process. decided to save myself from hefty student loans and save my parents from not being able to afford things they want by staying local. got into both law schools so i’m now facing the very happy problem of not being able to choose. guess i’ll be spending the rest of my life in black and white now 🙂 / 😦 ? not sure how i feel about this. its a rock solid profession, just… my heart isn’t in this! all i want to do is go to america. don’t really want to study anything. but its alright. practicality/ cost >>>>> everything. dreams falter under pressure and i don’t want to go there just for the place. just for america’s sake its really not worth it at all.

i’ll soft river my way to freedom i suppose 🙂

so pressing issues of the time are now—-

1. uncommit from CMU

2. choose a law school

3. get fitter in preparation for law school

4. apply for housing 🙂