this house is heavy. everybody in this house is tired and aching. but there’s no room to share burdens, to help or to solve the problems of others. there are only demands, and drooping shoulders.
i want to leave. i want to feel light and unburdened. but i am also selfish. is it right for me to live a carefree life while burdening my father? no. do i want to do it nonetheless? of course i do.
i’ll make it up to them, i say to myself, as my eyes sting and my jaws hurt from clenching my teeth.
i will never not feel heavy. i am always drowning. and there is never anybody here that will bother to save me. instead they will ask, you can’t even swim in this pond. how will you swim in the ocean?