hi future me! now that ib has begun, i find myself having more and more time to think about stuff that’s not ib. this seems like a strange paradox, but you get it.
so here’s what i’ve been thinking about. sometimes i feel like such a horrible person for even THINKING this, but it sucks being Indian sometimes. it really really SUCKS. they want to get you some fugly gold necklace and I hate gold! that’s what I tell amma anyway. the real reason is that all this crap reminds me of this background that i absolutely HATE and i can’t get away from, no matter what i do. just today, i was on the bus and I saw this car filled with children, and then following it was a beautiful porsche and now I realise that those are the two futures that lie before me, and I don’t want the shitty toyota filled with so many children. i just want to be alone with maybe a boyfriend forever. i don’t want what inevitably lies before me, and i don’t care if that makes me a bad person, but i don’t want to end up like my family. i so so do not want that for myself.
i hope that you are living the life that you always wanted for yourself. if it helps you remember some context, i am currently sitting in my brother’s room because the lights in my room aren’t working. nothing is working in this house. my parents are advising some random dude to live in a condo and learn from their mistakes, but the thing is that they don’t want to LEARN from their mistakes. i seem to be stuck in a shitty middle class cycle, and i’m totally not looking forward to this shitty india trip that i can’t get out of. this brings us back to the shitty necklace dilemma. whatever, i’ll just keep it and sell it or something in the future. i don’t even know. so ridiculous. and every time i say something about it, it’s like i’m some sort of impudent ungrateful person but the thing is that i have SEEN the other side. i go to school everyday with the other side. you can’t expose me to this lifestyle and expect me not to compare what i have with what they have. you can’t expect me to be satisfied! ugh. i’m so…discontent. I feel like jordan now. great.
(I hope you feel like you have enough, future me.)