stuck in this strange limbo again where i’m not sure what i’m doing with my life. i’m not studying, i’m not being productive, i’m basically not doing anything beneficial to my life. the way i talk in school its like i spend the whole day studying my ass off, but in reality, i’m just sitting at home watching other people live. i’m living my whole life by proxy and i’m not sure why i do this every damn time. i didn’t even go for any lectures today. skipped them all to discuss marriage and other similar useless stuff (? why)
i’ve got to grow up and learn to accept reality for what it is. i can’t believe that my biggest concern is which guy i should choose or which guy chooses me. it’s absolutely ridiculous and i’m kind of disgusted with myself atm actually. sigh. this sucks balls. trying to remember: i am mine before i am ever anyone else’s. i will switch on the aircon now and get to work. will study non-stop until 9pm when it’s time to have dinner. then i’ll have dinner and start studying again until 3am. that would mean that i can study about 10 hours a day.
(2h every night working/researching application stuff.)