Today, after national day celebrations, I went to the little waffle shop outside school with J and A. We were eating chocolate waffles (peanut butter for me hehe) and drinking chocolate ballet and I…had fun. Without thinking too much into it. I just wish I was accepted a little more, that we did this more often. And when I think about it now, I just feel lonely, more than anything else. Lonely and friendless. But enough about that, I refuse to ruin a memory by overthinking it’s significance.
So while we were on the way home on the bus, he said something like “I don’t regret this. I usually do, with the things I say and stuff like that.” We were talking about something trivial, like how it was good to take the bus instead of walking, but what he said resonated with me so much. Like come on, I always always regret everything I say/do almost immediately after doing it, and finally, someone else understands it.
I was just thinking about why I like him, and its really not about its looks (though the curve of his nose is something I will forever be amazed by) and also because I know he’s not hot or anything, but I don’t care, which is such a first for me. I don’t care, I don’t care, I’m in love with him.
God this is going to end badly, and honestly I don’t care that it won’t materialize into anything, but the feeling is amazing. I kind of get what people mean, if you’re in love with a person for real, it won’t matter to you if what you want doesn’t happen- you’re just happy for the moment.