“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”
― André Gide, Autumn Leaves
Absolutely draining day at school, with brief respites in the form of econs and lit (thank God for small mercies!). But what disturbed/drained me the most about today was what my dad said to me while we were in the car. He was watching the frisbee girls play on the AstroTurf and he said, as soon as I got into the car, “Your school has such nice grounds and fields and yet you are never running or using them. You should be active physically as well.” It doesn’t sound as bad when I write it down like this, but the way he phrases these things just makes me feel so empty and awful inside – like I’m somehow not enough, and never will be. I feel like every time I get one area of my life to go smoothly another area starts to mess up.
As I heard those words come out of his mouth (yet again), I just thought to myself “I hope I never end up as dissatisfied with my life and when I have children I’ll treasure them for what they have and what they’re good at, not what I want from them.”
Above all, I want to be loved for my strengths and for my good qualities, not made to feel inadequate because of what I don’t have and perhaps will never have.