perspective

The World Is Not As Dark As It Seems

You can’t hate everyone. You haven’t even met most of them.

— Iain S. Thomas, I Wrote This For You

Week 2 of infinity begins tomorrow. I need sleep, and the knowledge that everything will be alright in the end.
Taking pasta to school tomorrow, so at least thats one more thing to look forward to on a dreary Monday (whoopee)

Current state of affairs:
1. Done with Physics work
2. Done with Chem Design IA
3. Mostly done with Assortments script
4. Tired

Sunday nights are hard.

rhythms

“I’m learning to deal with negative feelings, like envy.”
“What are you envious of?”
“Normal stuff. Women with more successful careers, things like that. I’m finding that if you try to resist your envy, it sticks around. But if you accept it as natural, and don’t judge yourself, it will pass, like a cloud.”
— Humans of New York

Today in economics I surprised myself and possibly everyone else in my class by drawing everything correctly and explaining tariffs correctly too. Sometimes I am so certain that I will do well in life and get through IB with flying colours and some days I am so so scared that I’ll fail and drift into oblivion and get left behind.

On my way home I was so tired and my head was aching and I was (am) so sleepy and I was thinking about how last year (and for a number of years before that) I used M as some sort of outlet through which I could sort out my perceptions/theories on life. But today I thought ‘Nobody wants to listen to your half-assed theories. Let your intelligence be seen through your work.’

I realised what drives the overachievers in my class, and overachievers in general. They never ever get tired of the rush you get from having complete conviction in your knowledge and in what you’re saying. And to have that prerequisite knowledge you need to study study study.

Getting my groove back and taking inspiration from the people around me.

Seeing god’s mercies everyday. He never makes me do anything beyond my capabilities.

good days

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one. ― C.S. Lewis

A good day today. School uneventful, as usual. Long lesson of chemistry but at least I understood something! Small mercies I suppose. Was supposed to go home early but ended up going to bread yard with some friends and had the BEST sticky toffee pudding there. Still craving it haha! Had a chance meeting with my best friend after that. Its pretty funny how we always somehow meet up serendipitously even though all our planned outings fail! 

Having a great time shirking responsibility 🙂 

CAS 

  1. Signing up for Kayaking on 12-13 April 
  2. Service activity on 6 April (remember to sign up) 

racing

“Listen to Samuel Johnson and clear your mind of negation, of can’t. 

Because you can. That is the beauty of second chances. Life is an infinite sum of restarts. Failure is not a dead road, failure is a disguised beginning. Point A can be redrawn wherever you please, in any setting at any time. Such is the flexibility of life. You fail, you fail, you fail. Over and over. But you begin just as frequently.

Fall on one step, rise up on the next. It’s the simplest metaphor of full circles and comebacks. You can be your own comeback. You can be those projections, in full force or slightly altered. Even if you are a neorealist, follow those damned idealistic prescriptions. Have conviction in your worth, believe undoubtedly and act uncompromisingly. Be a force of I can, I can, I can and I will, I will, I will. “

– Aman Basra, Thought Catalogue


I am constantly afraid of being inadequate, of not being able to keep up with changing times, changing expectations, and changing realities. But for now I’ve sort of managed to get past it, and I’ve caught up (temporarily). Its tiring but I’m glad I took a breather. For once it feels amazing to go to bed at 12am with a clear conscience. Excited about drama tomorrow and the hardest part of the week is almost over! 

Hindi orals tomorrow though, and I’m praying for an easy picture and a fuss free day.

Thank God, thank God, thank God for everything. 

 

monday

“Nothing is absolute. Everything changes, everything moves, everything revolves, everything flies and goes away.”
― Frida Kahlo

A good day today.
– Finally got my lit in translation topic approved, though I may need to do
more research to explore it properly.
– I did pretty well for math test, got 41/60 magically (though this may have been because of the cheating oopsie) but it’s a start and I even got a compliment from A for crying out loud hehehe feeling proud of myself! But there’s always room for improvement of course 🙂
– Had a productive chemistry tuition session. Actually learnt stuff (anac) and I’m going to do the questions tomorrow I guess so I don’t forget.

Still have a chemistry design IA that’s due tomorrow and I still don’t have a topic for that so that’s major on my worry list for the day. But hopefully I’ll finish everything! Somehow I always do in the end. Just got to have faith in myself and in god’s grace!

On a side note, I’m kind of annoyed at how all my guy friends keep judging my diary. Do I seem pretentious to them? Should I feel embarrassed? Maybe some things (like Neruda) are better kept private?

Looking forward to the weekend already 😦

Aside

cleansing; a new term

expect sadness
like
you expect rain.
both,
cleanse you.
― Nayyirah Waheed

Have to get to work today. Chemistry is only on tuesday, which gives me today and tomorrow to do both IAs. Thank God! Other than that I have to do math and lit and I’ll be set. Once again, my procrastination skills are commendable, and once again I cannot end my holiday as I would have liked to. But for that I have only myself to blame.

chemistry IA (monoprotic acid)

math worksheet 

literature essay

fickle

“And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in.”
— Jane Austen

I am so damn fickle; so incredibly capricious.
These boys do not like you. You did NOT get asked out. Nothing happened. You are just as unlikeable and boring as you were this morning. As you have been this whole time. As you will continue to be.

I keep switching between who I like and who I think likes me. I love different aspects of different people, and I never fall in love with anybody completely. I fall a little in, and a little bit out of love everyday, and I don’t know how to feel about that. Am I fickle for not knowing who I want, or am I supposed to wait for the ‘right’ one to come along?

what if he doesn’t?

Maybe it’d be better if I just didn’t like anybody at all. Maybe.